I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
