you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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