dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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