I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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