Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
