Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
