I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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