at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
