I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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