She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
