My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
