Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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