I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
