Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
