I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
