Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
