she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
time to smoke my breakfast
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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