Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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