I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize