Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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