at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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