Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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