I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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