Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
