If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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