it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
