Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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