let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
