I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
