why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
