onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
