idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
