Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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