Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize