Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
