Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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