Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
