I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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