This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
