i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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