in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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