I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
