last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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