i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
