i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
