So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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