I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
is it fun? or sober?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
