Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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