with your own penis?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Randomize
