She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
