I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
