Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
