No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
