I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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