Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
