I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she peed on how many people?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
