he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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