We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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