apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Randomize
