We need to rekindle our bromance
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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